If you stay at The Lowry in Manchester and feel unable to turn on your bath taps and add a suitable amount of bath oils, salts or bubbles, then simply call In-Room Dining and ask for the In-Room Spa. Wait a minute. In-Room Dining? Not housekeeping? Or the actual Spa? Either way, as I'm neither patient or upper-class this is, and will remain, unchartered territory for me. What's that you say? The Bath Butler is male and looks like Johnny Depp .... tempting but no, still no. Fag ash in the water. I'll pass thanks.
Who am I kidding, send him up!
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