Assembling flat pack furniture starts in the seventh circle of hell - anger - and shortly after reading the first page, which has no words but instead shows you what is and isn't recommended in cartoon format, you enter the ninth circle - violence - ready to attack the maker of said flat pack with an allen key. Alan, Alan; seriously cannot say the name Alan/Allen in any voice but this one.
Also, why is the text so small in the instructions? My eyesight may have declined in recent years but this text is enough to fire me from the ninth circle straight into the eye of hell's storm without a thought for the three faces of Satan. I'm armed with a phillips screwdriver and a handful of leftover dowels; nothing is fazing me.
Halfway through putting this cabinet together I realised I had a blister on the palm of my hand. It's nothing to do with Liam Gallagher and more to do with the fact that the pre-tapped, minuscule hole does not hold any size screw. It's merely a pencil dot showing you where to screw in the fitting and requiring brute force to get it in. Three quarters of the way towards eternal damnation the blister burst.
Balance was restored to the world of furniture buying when I headed to our local second hand furniture shop 'Reloved' and bought a shelving unit for the bedroom. Not a flat pack in sight. Brutus, Cassius and Judas can only dream of this place. Not an allen key to be found. Speaking of Allen...
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